I don’t want to let go….I cant
There she
was, in the midst of confusion. She was taking a glance at the broken pieces of
her heart that seemed to cut her. The more she refused to take it back to the
ONLY person that can mend it, the more it cut deep into her.
She was drowning
in a series of emotions and in flashes of great memories ,that letting him go
seemed more difficult than surrendering it all to God. She was sharing hugs and
her precious time with the person that somehow was so good with hurting her;
you could actually wonder how he could do that and still live with himself.
God
continually whispered in her ears but she refused to listen because the intensity
of the love she felt for him seemed so great that moving away from it would be
as drastic as losing 10KGs in 2 weeks.
“My child
let him go…he won’t change as he keeps promising you”. Those were the words of
a God that loved His daughter so dearly that He could not watch her drive her
heart into a place of death where it will be shuttered into pieces and be like
a valley of dry bones.
You see when
God speaks, how we respond is really up to us and our response determines the
next few steps that our heartbeats will take.
“God I love
Him, I can’t let go. He is my everything”. Words she uttered but really… can he be
your everything? What does that even mean? When he leaves you, what will happen?
This lady gave
a response that grieved the inner voice inside her ,that her own response made
her burst into tears that know what needs to be done but somehow, decide not to
do it.
She went on her kneels, and asked the very God that insisted she let go , to at least reconsider. She poured her heart out, not with hope for guidance from God but with how she wants him (guy) to love her and appreciate her better. When she stood up, she felt so empty as what just happened was not a dialogue but it was her dictating to the very God that spoke and things came into existence.
Her mind was painted with words that said “God will give me a sign to stay with him” that she never even for a second listened to what the Potter had to say.
She had
decided that God will have to conform to her will. She had decided that her
ways are greater and that God should take a “short left” and follow her.
We often do this…. Some are still in denial
but we normally do this. We know very well what we should do but somehow prefer
what we want rather than what is good for us.
She knew
very well that she should let go… Allowing herself to be constantly cheated on
and broken was not what she wanted but it’s somehow the boat she found herself
cruising in. She could get off the boat and swim her way to healing but she
refused to… The swimming required being broken in God for it to occur.
How many
times does God have to speak for us to listen? Do we really want to go as far
as she did, getting severely broken before we could wake up, smell the coffee,
pack our bags and be led by God? How much pain and misery and heartaches are we
truly willing to endure or encounter? Do we want to get to a point where we stare at ourselves
in the mirror and fail to recognize who we have become? Do we want to continue
singing repentance and asking for strength yet keep going back to the
places/things that broke us in the first place?
Doing right the first time is always the best
thing to do but then again, if we have not done right the first time, His grace
is sufficient to correct us and teach us…..
HER STORY TO
BE CONTINUED.
thank you for reading <3
kamo
