As he reflected and wrestled with his emotions , he found himself in that boat....in the boat he should not have been on. His eyes were enticed by a woman whose words were so poetic that her pursuing a medical profession seemed insane. It took him back to the first, second ,third and etc times his heart got broken.. It took him back to the days he started feeling burdened by what brought joy to his life (The will of God)......
He cried and felt ashamed. voices spoke from every angle.... the softest one said to him.... "Come near to me, i will heal you and help you". The louder voice said "get up, forget about your heartbreak and numb every emotion". he looked at the two and the most "realistic" one seemed easier to follow.... i mean why believe in the unseen when he could simply move on and forget it ever happened?
His hands found themselves embracing the energy lust seemed to be luring him on with, his hands held the very woman that somehow kept stabbing his heart... His eyes fixed themselves on this woman and forgot about the very God that loved him before the world knew him.
Looking at it, it looked like a young man who was blinded by love but as i looked deeper ,i realized that there is more to it.
With his pen he started writing down what he felt and these are a few words that escaped from his mind and laid down on his paper.
1. I am heartbroken
2. I have fear to love again
3. I have insecurities. Which woman will love me? i am not as handsome as "Quinton"
4. My confidence has been crashed
5. My relationship with God is...... lets say i messed up big time
6. I have trust issues.
7. I am just hurt! i want the pain to go away.
Looking at the list, one would say it was okay for him to go back to the woman he got on that boat with but why do we keep going back to the places got saved us from? why do we keep going back to where we are broken?
He didn't know what she was capable of when he saw her right? not really. When his eyes came across her, his smile said i want her but that little voice said, NO....She is not the woman for you.That still voice that spoke was the Holy spirit which plays a huge role in the life of a christian.
Often we find ourselves in situations where we decide to travel without God. We choose routes we know are not in line with who we are but that "excitement" we feel somehow shuts out the voice that knows best... Gods voice.
The sad reality is that when we have fallen , we are afraid to go back to the Father and rather swim in that problem... i mean if you were disobedient why go back?
The prodigal son went back to his father and this was God saying , i know you messed up but my grace is sufficient. Come back to me and i will fill you up again.
The thing is, you cant do it on your own. You need to go back to the Man that knitted every part of you in your mothers womb, so that He can recreate you and mend your heart. Going back to the place of captivity will only break you even more and make you feel like you are not worthy of Gods forgiveness, love, blessings and Time. The insecurities, the pain and hurt will leave you but it wont happen over night....When God created the earth, it did not take a second so don't expect that quick fix but trust God in the process.
Your insecurities and low self esteem need God Himself! How and why? Well You have been made in His image and through Him, you will know your identity and know who you really are.. A wise man once said "You cant reflect what you do not behold" and this truth is what we need to grasp, digest and understand. You are peculiar, holy, more than a conqueror, loved and Simply out of this world! Literally.
It is going back to God with our little pieces and allowing Him to mend us that we become restored.
It is allowing God to speak to our hearts and lives that we fear not.
It is being in His presence that all chains are broken.
It is being in His presence that we remain in His presence.
It is knowing God that we are able to love again and not allow past hurts to dictate to us how our future love relationships will be.
This young man had forgotten his identity in the midst of trouble and being broken but we thank God that he is a God of second chances, restoration and revival. I trust the young man will be revived and so will you.
Thank you for reading
<3 kamo
listen to shana wilson- Give me you. Its worth listening to.
May God revive us
